Something Blue: I Upcycled This, Too

For a project like this one, you will need the following:

 

A big vehicle

A patient partner

Space
Plumber's tape
A metal clipper

A brass wire brush

Bleach

Rustoleum spray paint

...and an utter lack of shame

 

 

Consider this beast of a patio rocking chair. I found it while driving home through Philipse Manor in Sleepy Hollow.

 

The houses in "The Manor" (as the neighborhood is known) unintentionally donated so
many items to the European Playdate 2013 Fund that I still feel I owe each one a Swiss chocolate
bar as a gesture of thanks.

I beheld the rust, the peeling paint, the busted vinyl, the crumbling wooden slats, and the black mold. Beyond all that, I saw what any good real estate agent will point out to a client staring in nose-wrinkled disgust at a tear-down junker: Potential.

 

 

First, I ripped off all the slats.
 

 

 For a week or so, I entertained the idea of cutting new pieces of wood and recovering each new slat with a killer piece of vinyl fabric--something "mod," maybe with red poppies.
Upon reflection, I had some problems with that plan:

1. I'm more likely than normal mortals to cut the heck out of myself--or break a saw--while making new slats.
2. Where does a normal mortal find vinyl fabric, anyway? I checked Sew What's New in Nyack, the only Real Fabric Store I know of in these parts. No dice.
I briefly considered using vinyl drawer liners, but I feared that the scented kind would have the best patterns, and I did not want my back end smelling like "Ocean Mist" every time I got off the rocker.
3. I just didn't want to.

As you can imagine, #3 was the biggest stumbling block.

In any case, I couldn't just leave the poor beast to release mold spores while I considered a lazy but acceptable way through this project. And my husband really hated this ugly space-sucker.

 

So, I dumped some bleach and laundry soap into a bucket, grabbed the nearest brass wire brush, totally neglected to put on gloves, and scrubbed the heck out of the rocker's skeleton.
 

See! Much, much better. Even the sun shines brightly upon my efforts.

The rocker's skeleton was all clean, shiny, and paint flake-free, but I still couln't figure out my next move to make the thing work as a chair. So, I did the next best thing--I went to my stash of Rustoleum spray paint.

First, I took a house poll. The kids wanted yellow. The Man wanted apple green. I ignored them all and chose the high-intensity turquoise.

I count Spray Paint among my Upcycling Frenemies. This time, however, it didn't let me down, maybe because the rocker's frame had such narrow pieces that color consistency was easy to achieve.

Hot-cha-cha-cha!

 

On to the next problem: Structural Support.

The skeleton has metal straps in the seat, but none in the back. I still didn't want to cut new slats and deal with drilling lead holes or whatever to secure nuts and bolts. And wouldn't bolts show in the front and uglify my efforts, or worse--snag our clothes?

"Maybe I should lace the back with ropes and put a big cushion to hide the whole seat...?" I queried my Man.

He didn't shoot the idea down; instead, he sat back silently and let me realize that I've seen enough hostage-taking scenes in movies to know that ropes get cut through after enough back-and-forth friction, like, say, rocking in a rocking chair.


Finally, Inspiration swatted feebly: I needed to make new, unshredable back supports out of metal.

The Man instantly came up with a great, cheap solution: Plumber's Tape. It's only "tape" as we know it in the sense that it comes in a roll, so the user can cut off any desired length. Plumber's Tape also comes stamped with a pattern of holes, so no drilling into metal!

I used one length from the original frame as my template and trimmed six new slats with one of these prehistoric things that was left behind when we bought our house:
 

Thanks for saving me from taking my own photo, www.popscreen.com!

 

 

 

I took sample screws and nuts to Tarrytown's own Goldberg Hardware for help finding appropriate stuff for the new slats. Goldberg's is the Anti Home Depot. I love these guys because they had me ready to roll in ten minutes, with stainless steel pieces that resist rust--something I would not have considered without them.

Goldberg's total: $4.50. Good deal and good advice. Plus, I got to skip a trip to the Home Despot and thus a bout of hating human civilization.

And now...
The frame is finished! It sat on this table for more than three weeks while I contemplated how to make or otherwise acquire an appropriate cushion for next to nothing.

A solution presented itself this past weekend at an otherwise self-indulgently overpriced yard sale in Pleasantville:

Almost three yards of very orange weatherproof Sunbrella fabric. Price: $10.

An orange and turquoise patio rocker? Why, Badger, why?
Because I have no shame.

After I'm done with this critter, you may want to keep your shades on when you come to the backyard, even at night.



Copyright 2013, Tanya Monier