Decoupaging the Past: WWII

How's your week going? Mine is best embodied by a moment this past Saturday at a craft fair in Tarrytown's Patriot Park. A boy--an Ecuadorian immigrant's kid no more than 10 years old--was about to buy a $2 ($1 for him, cuz he's a kid) resin magnet of Elvis Costello.




This one: GET HAPPY

Just as I was smiling, "Now THAT'S a cool kid," he dropped Costello and insisted on buying the one of John Hinkley Jr. holding a shotgun.

THIS ONE. Yes, Reagan's would-be assassin.

His mother shrugged and handed over a wrinkled dollar, my happy little customer skipped away, and I had what could be classified as a public meltdown.






Irony is alive and well, Friends.






So, I keep making Art. Or Craft. Whatever. Among other things, WWII (the good, the bad, and the very ugly) has been on my mind, so I started by chopping up a damaged LIFE Magazine celebrating the 30th anniversary of the end of WWII and made magnets using clear resin squares and rectangular jeweler's glass.




Ah, WWII: Pinup girls, factory girls, bombers, vengeance, defiance.



The Art of Paranoia



But don't worry about that right now.... SOLD

 

Oh, how we need those cuffs now.
Action Comics #1, reprint. SOLD

Like Churchill, I'm feeling feisty, ready for a drink,
a smoke (and I don't smoke) and am probably heading
towards a massive stroke. NOT FOR SALE.

I'll show you what else I've been making in a minute. Remember, Friends, keep using your body, your mind, your voice, and your hands.















Copyright 2016, Tanya Monier

Halloween Favorite: Do-it-yourself Centaur Costume

This DIY project is the all-time winner of The Happy Badger. My thanks to Mama Beja. Check out what else she can do at The Zen Toolbox. So without much ado, I share it again.

(Remember, if you're going to do this project for Halloween, best to get started early!)

This Greek myth themed costume is for the ambitious and/or Advanced Level Crafter.

Walk this way.

It calls for a lot of time, ingenuity, and effort...and better directions than I'm going to offer here. But if you can pull it off, like Santa Barbara's own Mama Beja did, you and your kid are gonna become the stuff of local legend.

For this project, you will need the following:
A Walker with wheels
A horse-colored blanket (you know what I mean)
Straight-haired wig/ponytail extension... in color complementary to blanket
Pillow stuffing
Heavy duty needle and thread
Thin cardboard, and lots of it
Long-sleeved t-shirt of same color as blanket
Twin sheet in white
Large sheets of paper to make pattern...or wing it, whatever
Straight pins
Laurel wreath, horns, or whatever head accessories you see fit
Matching boots (optional)
Pleather or leather scraps for hooves (optional)
A stronger ability to sew than I have...

Step 1: Chimera orientation
Get that walker. Set up the height to correspond to your child's backside, as the walker will become the backside of the centaur. Wheels go to the back, so that your centaur's back legs will roll behind him or her.

Set some time for this project--like, days.

Step 2: Legs, legs, legs!
Slice about 12 inches off one side of twin sheet. Wrap sheet around other two legs and affix. Once toga is draped on your centaur, these legs will be effectively camouflaged.

The looser the wrap, the more it will blend in with the toga

Measure the walker legs. Cut thin cardboard into long, triangular shapes for lower legs, and wider trapedoidal ones for upper legs. Pad with pillow stuffing, then wrap with blanket pieces. Sew inner vertical seams, stack upper leg on, and sew the horizontal seams connecting the two.

Detail of heavy duty stitching.

HEEL! Glue pleather/leather to thin long oblong-shaped cardboard.
Cut bottom of leg at angle and glue on "hoof."

Step 3: The End

Good luck with this part. I recommend that you play with the paper and/or play with the fabric and pins to see how to connect the rear to the hips before you start stitching.

Leave space to pad the haunches, or you'll end up with a bony old nag instead of a powerful centaur.

Attach the wig/hair extension to an appropriate place for a horse's tail. Sew it or stick it on well because chances are folks will be pulling on that thing all day and night.

Step 5: Come Together
You may well be asking, "How does my kid get in to this thing?" Here's what I know: Attach the leftover blanket piece back to the already-dressed walker, leaving a hole for your young hero to crawl in from underneath. The flap can be attached with safety pins to the brown long-sleeved t-shirt and pants.

Now, your young centaur can walk about freely and not lose his or her behind. 

I have no idea what to say about this photo that won't sound wrong, wrong, wrong.

Step 6: Final Touches
Riordan's characters might get huffy about mixing Roman and Greek elements, but the best way to pull this horse-human look together is a toga, so drape that sheet carefully to achieve maximum leg coverage and movement. Top with a laurel wreath.

If you actually finish this project, YOU will deserve a laurel wreath, not just your suddenly quadrupedal kid.

GLORIOUS.
Apollo cranked up the sun on this kid to indicate his approval.

"Will the Happy Badger or the Badgerettes be centaurs this year?" you ask.

Umm, no. The Badgerettes are more inspired by the natural phenomenon that is my BedHead than by mythology, so they're going as flowers, and I'm going to go as a six-foot tall, white-puff-head Dandelion.

Happy Halloween!

Copyright 2014, Tanya Monier

A Few Things I Know About LIFE...

LIFE Magazine: I have been collecting old copies lately, through tag sales, thrift shops, and eBay. At first, I just bought them for the great pictures, which make outstanding cigar and wine box projects.

Sophia Loren wine box. 1963 LIFE "Part Goddess, Part Imp, All Woman"

Mick Jagger Worship/Mockery Box, 1972 LIFE
"I said, 'Is there something on MY HEAD?'"

Johnny Cash box (get it? get it?) 1969 LIFE

Cigar box purse "The Swinging Life of Yamaha" LIFE 1966

Back side of purse: from ad, "I said if I found a better tasting cigarette, I'd eat my hat!"

Imagine how fabulous this project will look...

Jane Fonda as Barbarella, LIFE 1968. I really need to see that movie one day.

I HAD to have this one, red X at the top at least kept the price under $10.

Lauren Bacall, LIFE 1944

And, so, one thing leads to another--I'm hella competitive when it comes to auctions of lots on eBay--and now, I find myself in possession of a library of LIFE.

Don't lets pretend this is the entirety of my collection.

Weeks ago, scrounging for images slowly turned into diligent study of this collection. So, here are some things I've learned about LIFE... 

1. The articles are fascinating-- in 1934, Albert Einstein stares you down from one page as you read a not-too-dumbed-down version of the theory of relativity; in 1942, military wives show how to reinvent yourself while he's off to war; in the 1950s, twenty pages are devoted to explaining the allure of Existentialism in a post-WWII world; in 1970, new fathers burble about their desire to be a new kind of father, earnest and involved.

"Lonely Housewife" December, 1942 LIFE

2. Nobody's that innocent, ever, of gawking at girls...and I mean girls. I look at these pictures and suddenly I can hear Pink Floyd groaning, "Ooooh, I need a dirty girl."

"Shirley Temple Grows Up," LIFE 1943

Cool it, Humbert! Lolita--I mean, Shirley--is just 13 years old.

Shoot, this isn't even trying to be subliminal. "Extra Pleasure" from "17% Extra Smoking"?
Sure, sure. That's what you're selling.

"Blackstone Cigars--the choice of successful men."
Insert your tired Bill Clinton joke here:_________

 By the 60s, the girls start looking back at ya, Mr. Blackstone, and they're not entirely pleased with what they see.

I think the blonde is Cheryl Teigs, but check out the resting bitch face on the redhead. I love her.

 3. We've got a drinking problem.  And advertisers were alllll over that scene.

1966 again: After Smirnoff vodka martini #3, the old barman magically turns into this fine cowgirl.

Ed McMahon says: Pick a Pair (I'm in emotional despair)

4. We've got a constipation problem.

Europe. The Pacific. North Africa. The Bathroom. The American Struggle for Success in each of these places was EPIC.

No War Job for Nora. She's all blocked up and can't remember how to set fire to things with her welding tools.

On the other hand, "Mildred Makes the Grade" thanks to her highly effective laxative. It promises to get your pipes clean in "less than an hour." I imagine that Mildred's movement felt as comfortable as the tequila worm scene from Poltergeist.
I wonder how many times the police got called by neighbors who worried about the screams of scatological success coming from Mildred's place.

5. The early 1940s LIFE Magazines are treasures.

The 1942 Christmas ads alone will show you an America that resembles my mother's Syrian upbringing more than the good old Gotta Get It USA that raised most of us.



Mend and make do, Honey.

Santa says: I'm Sorry Son (you are NOT getting that bike).
And little Jimmy thinks, "Just for this, Old Man, I am going to buy EVERYTHING I want when I grow up." 

I really don't know what to do with all of this LIFE. It's absolutely cliché, but they've brought history back to life for me. I bought them to pillage, but now I want to protect them.

Copyright 2015, Tanya Monier

Hustle, pt. 6: Little Mamacita

My mom. My mom!



Baby Badger and Mom, 1970s.
Last known photo in which I am shorter than she is (heh)

She just had a birthday, and I need to praise her like I should.

My Little Mamacita--not at all an Arabic name for Mother, but my best friend once called her that and it stuck--is a huge-hearted, highly talented woman who still has showgirl legs but is too modest to show them off. Working as a team, she and my US-born father sponsored her Lebanese and Syrian family through the 70s and 80s, helping my aunts and cousins to become American citizens by turning our home into "Hotel Monier."

Because of her:
I don't know how to make a meal for 4 that won't also feed 8;
I despise the stillness of an empty house;
I teach and learn, collect and share stories;
I speak French with a decent accent (I don't know Arabic because I'm a stubborn fool);
I know that (despite the cool new names) making, repairing, and upcycling was a way of life, not a trend.

Her legacy is immense, but if I continue, I'm going to get all gooey.



If you want a funny story about her skills and tolerance and the night I wore
her homemade cape to a school dance and club with a broken arm,
listen to the whole shebang--and see the cape!--here.

As I've been crafting my way through this icy, housebound winter, I had another sweet revelation about Mom's impact on me. During my elementary school years, she frequently volunteered to repair the school library's books. I was by turns bored and fascinated by the process: paste, stick, smooth, fold, tuck, smooth, trim, smooth again. Her hand guided mine over a few sticky passes, and I asked her, "Was this your job before?" Before us, of course.

"No," she chuckled in that accent that everyone else could hear but that I could only smell like her warm skin and rose water. "But I learn what I need to know."

Sometimes, I picked up the books as she finished them, swearing to come back when they were dry to check them out.

That's how I became the only person in the history of the school to check out D'Aulaire's Book of Greek Myths for four years running. I bought it for my Badgerettes, too--cuts down on late book fees.

These past weeks, surrounded by old magazines and comics, I dug out a bunch of composition books I bought on clearance from Aaron Brothers back in the early 2000s and started pasting, folding, smoothing, tucking, and smoothing some more.

Since Mod Podge alone might not be the best for this project (but it will keep those coffee drips from staining!) I also bought renowned Yes! Glue and some bookbinder's PVA glue, too. Now, Littlest Sweat Shop (aka, the living room) smells just like the school library. I've been making books and book covers out of some amazing things...some of which are likely to make you ask again, "But, why?"

Boxes for actual 8mm home movies.

Bizarre vintage Wonder Woman comic covers and 1970s Boxing Illustrated ads.

Vintage 1960s Playboy covers, Vargas Girl posters, and comics makes killer covers. The Catholic girl in me is like, "Gah! I just posted a booby pic on the Internet!" But I know it'll sell!

My new favorites are 1950s teen romance comics and Sci Fi magazine covers.

Mother Knew Best. So frustratingly, delightfully, lovingly true.

The only thing missing is your hand guiding mine, Little Mamacita. I know that I'm still learning what I need from you.

Happy birthday, Mom! I love you.



Copyright 2015, Tanya Monier

Life Stinks: 3 Ways



Way #1: It's Cold

 

It's damn cold. It's the kind of cold that makes a house dog cross his hind legs and do the pee-pee dance rather than go outside.

And cats? My friend Katie created this eye-witness account. Let's make it go viral, Folks!

 

It's the kind of cold that saps the battery of the already-untrustworthy Snowflake the Minivan so that I have to ask strangers for a jump multiple times a day. (God Bless America, I miss you so! Read about GBA's untimely death in Landfill: A Lesson In Situational Irony. It's a great story, especially if it didn't happen to you.)

It's the kind of cold that makes Californians grateful for their drought and the summer of 3-minute showers and brown lawns that awaits them.

Moreover, it's the kind of cold that makes me a bit goofy, willing to take a dare from a kid, and then take pictures of the result....

Seriously, is it the sweater?
At first, it was enough to know that I could turn myself into one of my Lebanese cousins.

 

...and post it on Facebook, where I found that friends think I more closely resemble another Semitic brother:

Porn legend Ron Jeremy.

And it's so cold that I'm just happy to get a few good laughs to keep the blood warm...in a totally G-rated way.

Way #2: I got food poisoning...from a banana.

"That's a new one!" you exclaim. "How do you know?"

Well, Friend, I ate a banana with a wide split in the skin, like this:

Thanks Mike Groom Photography!

I was in a rush and trying to prove to my kids that they shouldn't worry about such minor flaws in their fruit. I closed my eyes to the dirt on the actual banana, ate it, and immediately doubted the soundness of my decision, much like Queen Elinor in Brave:

oh, dear...

Within an hour, I felt like one of these two characters from the classic Mel Brooks film Spaceballs:

50/50 odds of getting it right! The answer is not on the ceiling, guys!
 Well, let's just say, "Hold on, Barf! It's gonna be a bumpy ride..."

During that day of sweaty, clutching-the-bed-with-fingers-and-toes misery, I was grateful for many things: my kind husband, On Demand kid-friendly shows, and Lifestinks Deodorant.

Way #3: Lifestinks, in a good way









Made by these sisters, who are not paying me, but who are welcome to buy something from Etsy to say thanks!



 

I'm not braggin: Since I had kids, I've smelled like an actual badger, an angry one. I've tried a lot of brands, and this one kicks my armpits where the sun don't shine...cuz that's where the bacteria hang out, get it? 

 

So, it's a powder, but don't get tempted to put it on like drugstore after-shower powder or they'll have to identify your corpse with by your dental records. Sorry, Sisters, but that bicarbonate stuff is STRONG, even on Mediterranean skin.

So, start out slow and use next to nothing. The amount I show above, under each armpit, took me through two days of food poisoning misery without stinking...from my armpits at least.

 

My one complaint about the product line is that they charge a lot for a full-sized dispenser that looks exactly like the stainless steel cinnamon shaker at your local coffee house. And I don't relish the idea of daily jamming my fingers into that one-year supply bag you see in the picture (I have a feeling it's gonna last longer than that). Their travel size container is cute and reasonably priced, but you can't refill it (I've tried) which is weirdly irresponsible for such an eco-friendly brand. So, I improvised a couple alternatives.

 

Stinky Solution #1: Use an empty salt or pepper shaker. Mine looks just like the one my mom had on the dining table when I was a kid. I slide a Post-It inside the lid and screw it down tightly to keep from spills when I travel. Nothing worse than those unidentifiable white powder trails as you're going through security!

 

Stinky Solution #2: Find a small cylinder with a removable, perforated lid. I chose this old rubber repair kit. If the inside is not washable (this one is cardboard) glue a shower cap to the interior.  

  

Before. That rust bloom? Bah, just some extra iron in my diet...

After dripping glue around the interior, stick the shower cap to the container's sides and the bottom.
Hold it in place with a rubber band to dry. When it's dry, trim off the excess.
P.S. Yes, that is an old-school milk box behind this project.
NY's Meadowbrook Farm delivers farm-fresh milk to your door! Try it!

Add Lifestinks. Remove rubber band, and put cap back on. Use regularly, but sparingly. 

When you started reading this post, you didn't know it was going to end with a quick DIY, didja? I'm sneaky that way.

Duggan Sisters, keep doing what you do! I hope you can ignore the Ron Jeremy stuff above and enjoy an unsolicited positive review!


copyright 2015, Tanya Monier