DIY Taxidermy Repair

As a kid, I was never allowed a pet for allergy reasons, but I remained obsessed with furry creatures.

Age 2: I followed a friendly cat into a poison oak-laced hedge (I blocked all memory of the resulting agony, but everyone assures me it was bad).
Age 9: my mother lost me in Liberty House Department Store because I snuck inside a circular rack of rabbit-fur jackets...


They were rabbit jackets a la Cagney and Lacey opening credits.

Really, nothing has changed.



Apply thrift shop mink hat and I become Comrade Tanya

Since our family is between cats, I try to provide the Badgerettes with "pretend pets." Like this one:

I've seen real cat-sized versions of this mini, and they "breathe." Beyond terrifying.

On a whim, I brought home this unique Goodwill find:

Comrade Chipmunk



I was certain that Chippy here was just another craft fair toy made from scraps of god-knows-what fur. But The Man knew instantly: "Why did you buy someone's amateur taxidermy project?"

"Wha--? You...you mean it's a REAL chipmunk?" I sputtered.

He nodded, confident, noble, and a little disappointed. I don't call him The Prince of The Forest for nothing: the man knows a chipmunk when he sees one.

After carefully examining Chippy, I had to agree. No seams, hard interior form. It was indeed a taxidermy chipmunk. After a wave of giggly embarrassment, I felt a little grossed out and somewhat guilty.

I mean, who doesn't want a woodland creature friend? But, you know, LIVING.

Suddenly, I remembered devastating rear view mirror images of a chipmunk I mashed years before because I so feared slamming on the brakes and waking up my first-and-never-napping-unless-continually-driving-6-month-old.

I intended to rid myself of this little bit of road kill, but Badgerette #2 was instantly, deeply in love, so Chippy stayed.

Then, the inevitable happened: Chippy lost his tail in an incident of excessive childhood affection.

It's an old story: Girl meets taxidermied Chipmunk, Girl cracks off taxidermied Chipmunk's tail, Girl cries...

Chippy joined the ever-growing box of broken toys, mugs, and jewelry that The Prince and I always intend to repair...and occasionally do.

FOR THIS REPAIR PROJECT, YOU WILL NEED THE FOLLOWING:

1 broken amateur taxidermy chipmunk

1 sheet of wax or parchment paper

1 rubber band (not too strong)

A bit of Gorilla Glue

A drop or two of water, (Gorilla Glue directions insist on water to start curing process)

Assemble your items.

 Dampen chipmunk derriere. Put a drop of Gorilla Glue on chipmunk derriere...

 Dampen tail. Put drop of glue of the broken end.

 Hold two parts together until glue becomes gummy and bubbly.  This is not a quick process. Use your time to contemplate the error of your ways...

Wrap rubber band around chipmunk parts, nestling them together so the plastic interior is hidden.

Let it dry overnight.

After the kids go to bed, make up tasteless jokes about your new movie idea--50 Shades of Chipmunk.

"Bound and kneeling on the wax paper floor, Chippy suddenly realized that they had forgotten to set up a safe word."

In the morning, I released Chippy from his bonds. Ok, I realize that I probably didn't repair him the right way, but it's done. Other than the rock hard tufts on his tushy, he seems ready to play again...gently. 



This morning, I found myself humming,"I got 99 problems--" 

(like this busted pin table)

"--but Chippy ain't one."

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copyright 2015, Tanya Monier