Life Stinks: 3 Ways



Way #1: It's Cold

 

It's damn cold. It's the kind of cold that makes a house dog cross his hind legs and do the pee-pee dance rather than go outside.

And cats? My friend Katie created this eye-witness account. Let's make it go viral, Folks!

 

It's the kind of cold that saps the battery of the already-untrustworthy Snowflake the Minivan so that I have to ask strangers for a jump multiple times a day. (God Bless America, I miss you so! Read about GBA's untimely death in Landfill: A Lesson In Situational Irony. It's a great story, especially if it didn't happen to you.)

It's the kind of cold that makes Californians grateful for their drought and the summer of 3-minute showers and brown lawns that awaits them.

Moreover, it's the kind of cold that makes me a bit goofy, willing to take a dare from a kid, and then take pictures of the result....

Seriously, is it the sweater?
At first, it was enough to know that I could turn myself into one of my Lebanese cousins.

 

...and post it on Facebook, where I found that friends think I more closely resemble another Semitic brother:

Porn legend Ron Jeremy.

And it's so cold that I'm just happy to get a few good laughs to keep the blood warm...in a totally G-rated way.

Way #2: I got food poisoning...from a banana.

"That's a new one!" you exclaim. "How do you know?"

Well, Friend, I ate a banana with a wide split in the skin, like this:

Thanks Mike Groom Photography!

I was in a rush and trying to prove to my kids that they shouldn't worry about such minor flaws in their fruit. I closed my eyes to the dirt on the actual banana, ate it, and immediately doubted the soundness of my decision, much like Queen Elinor in Brave:

oh, dear...

Within an hour, I felt like one of these two characters from the classic Mel Brooks film Spaceballs:

50/50 odds of getting it right! The answer is not on the ceiling, guys!
 Well, let's just say, "Hold on, Barf! It's gonna be a bumpy ride..."

During that day of sweaty, clutching-the-bed-with-fingers-and-toes misery, I was grateful for many things: my kind husband, On Demand kid-friendly shows, and Lifestinks Deodorant.

Way #3: Lifestinks, in a good way









Made by these sisters, who are not paying me, but who are welcome to buy something from Etsy to say thanks!



 

I'm not braggin: Since I had kids, I've smelled like an actual badger, an angry one. I've tried a lot of brands, and this one kicks my armpits where the sun don't shine...cuz that's where the bacteria hang out, get it? 

 

So, it's a powder, but don't get tempted to put it on like drugstore after-shower powder or they'll have to identify your corpse with by your dental records. Sorry, Sisters, but that bicarbonate stuff is STRONG, even on Mediterranean skin.

So, start out slow and use next to nothing. The amount I show above, under each armpit, took me through two days of food poisoning misery without stinking...from my armpits at least.

 

My one complaint about the product line is that they charge a lot for a full-sized dispenser that looks exactly like the stainless steel cinnamon shaker at your local coffee house. And I don't relish the idea of daily jamming my fingers into that one-year supply bag you see in the picture (I have a feeling it's gonna last longer than that). Their travel size container is cute and reasonably priced, but you can't refill it (I've tried) which is weirdly irresponsible for such an eco-friendly brand. So, I improvised a couple alternatives.

 

Stinky Solution #1: Use an empty salt or pepper shaker. Mine looks just like the one my mom had on the dining table when I was a kid. I slide a Post-It inside the lid and screw it down tightly to keep from spills when I travel. Nothing worse than those unidentifiable white powder trails as you're going through security!

 

Stinky Solution #2: Find a small cylinder with a removable, perforated lid. I chose this old rubber repair kit. If the inside is not washable (this one is cardboard) glue a shower cap to the interior.  

  

Before. That rust bloom? Bah, just some extra iron in my diet...

After dripping glue around the interior, stick the shower cap to the container's sides and the bottom.
Hold it in place with a rubber band to dry. When it's dry, trim off the excess.
P.S. Yes, that is an old-school milk box behind this project.
NY's Meadowbrook Farm delivers farm-fresh milk to your door! Try it!

Add Lifestinks. Remove rubber band, and put cap back on. Use regularly, but sparingly. 

When you started reading this post, you didn't know it was going to end with a quick DIY, didja? I'm sneaky that way.

Duggan Sisters, keep doing what you do! I hope you can ignore the Ron Jeremy stuff above and enjoy an unsolicited positive review!


copyright 2015, Tanya Monier